To Spank or Not to Spank...

A few weeks ago, my husband was discussing spanking with a family member of ours and later shared with me a comment they had made. I found it profound because it summarizes why so many people don’t spank their children. This is what they said,

“I don’t think it’s fair that my kids get spanked a lot because I have a bad day.”

That’s it! I said to myself. That’s exactly the misconception that makes people think spanking is wrong. And they’re right! If you spank your child more when you’re having a bad day, then you ARE wrong!

Spanking correctly is not spanking out of anger, frustration, or because you’ve had it up to here with your kids. You spank your child when they are disobedient and for their own good (not to make yourself feel better).

When our daughter disobeys, we say to her very calmly, “I’m sorry that you chose to disobey and [fill in the blank]. Now you are going to get [insert #] spankings.” Then we pull her pants down and spank her the number of times we said, on her bottom or upper thigh. When we are done, we pull up her pants and sit her on our lap. We ask, “Why did you get a spanking?” She always knows and tells us what she did wrong. Then we explain that she must obey mommy and daddy and she may not do [whatever the offense was]. Then we pray with her and ask God for help. At the end we kiss where we spanked and hug. By this time she’s smiling and happy again.

Then, depending on the offense, we PRACTICE the correct way she should have handled the situation. She loves this practice time and enjoys the praise we offer when she does it right. In this way we offer not only discipline, but also instruction.

We have never spanked our daughter without telling her first she is going to get one. Not only does this put ourselves in check (and gives us a second to calm down if we are angry), but it also dissociates spanking from anger for her. Because we speak calmly and talk to her first, she does not associate us yelling in anger and then hauling off and slapping/spanking her.

Her disobedience and when we spank has nothing to do with the kind of day we’re having or the mood we’re in. There are certain boundaries and rules in our house that she is very aware of. If she breaks these rules, she gets spanked, period. If she doesn’t know about a rule, we never spank the first time (or even second time) but we make sure she understands the rule and how to be obedient. Once we are certain she understands, if she chooses to disobey again, then we spank her.

I feel that if this method of spanking was presented to parents today, instead of the violence and abuse angel so many modern philosophies take, many people would be able to reap the benefits that spanking offers.

We have been told many times that our two year old is a pleasure to be around, and indeed, she is. She’s happy, well adjusted, smart, loving, and…obedient (most of the time). :) I am confident that it is largely due to this method and the consistency with which we carry it out.